15 tiny mindset barriers to your best life, a habit worth practicing & more
How to start and end your day on purpose
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I’ve read hundreds of bestsellers self-help books. Many of them share the same lessons; build better habits one at a time, beware of your mental models, the obstacle is always the way, become a person of value to yourself and others, do more with what you read and don’t forget to take care of your mind and body. But there’s also a lot of habits that get in our way. The seemingly harmless and sometimes unconscious behaviours slowly derail our trajectory to the good life. Repeated long enough, they create a cumulative effect, leaving us feeling drained, dissatisfied, and disconnected from our best selves. Watch out for these. Awareness is the first step towards change. If you want to stop getting in your own way, start by noticing these subtle traps.
Over-identifying with mistakes. You are not your failure.
Assuming you know what others think. Aim to understand.
Waiting for "the right mood" to start anything worthwhile.
Putting yourself in a box (e.g., "I'm an introvert," "I'm not creative") and using that label as an excuse to never try things outside it.
Holding onto grudges and hoping the other person burns.
Focusing on the "how" before the "why."
Making your happiness dependent on how someone else behaves. They will control your internal state all the time.
Believing your thoughts are absolute facts.
Avoiding necessary difficult step or "healthy" conversation today, which guarantees a much larger, more explosive crisis down the road.
Choosing the "known" boring path over the "unknown" growth path.
Letting a version of yourself from five years ago make decisions for who you are today.
Thinking, "I’ll be happy once [X] happens," which ensures you’re never happy now.
Feeling the need to justify your boundaries or choices to people who aren't living your life.
The inability to rest without feeling like you are "falling behind," which eventually leads to burnout and diminishing returns.
Thinking that if a day, a workout, or a project doesn’t turn out as expected it’s a total loss. It leads to the "might as well quit" spiral.
A mediation I’m pondering
“You have to assemble your life yourself — action by action. And be satisfied if each one achieves its goal, as far as it can. No one can keep that from happening.
— But there are external obstacles.…
Not to behaving with justice, self-control, and good sense.
— Well, but perhaps to some more concrete action.
But if you accept the obstacle and work with what you’re given, an alternative will present itself — another piece of what you’re trying to assemble. Action by action.”
Source: Meditations by Marcus Aurelius (Meditations 8.32)
A habit worth practicing
Stoic journaling
A reflective, purposeful practice that helps to cultivate a better understanding of your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Use it to examine your thoughts, emotions and actions. In the words of Benjamin Franklin, “What good shall I do this day?”
Morning reflection (to prepare for the day)
What is within my control today, and what is not?
(Focus on aligning your efforts with what you can control)What virtues (wisdom, courage, justice, temperance) can I practice today?
(Stoics emphasized living virtuously—how will you embody these today?)What challenges might arise, and how can I meet them with resilience?
(Premeditatio malorum—anticipate obstacles and prepare mentally.)Am I acting for the common good, or just for myself?
(Stoics believed in contributing to society—how can you serve others today?)
Evening reflection (to review the day)
Did I live in accordance with my values today?
(Self-assessment is key—where did I succeed or fall short?)What did I learn from today’s events?
(Every experience is a teacher—what wisdom can I extract?)Where did I let external things disturb my peace?
(Did I overreact to something outside my control? How can I improve?)What am I grateful for today?
(Gratitude is central to Stoicism—list 3 things you appreciate.)How could I have handled a situation better?
(Constructive self-critique helps growth—what would a wiser version of me have done?)How will I make tomorrow better than today?
(Commit to small, actionable improvements for continuous progress.)
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About me: I’m Thomas. My essays cross between productivity, philosophy, psychology. I also write a Fast Company column on smarter living. My readers include intellectually curious people from Microsoft, Google, Amazon, Salesforce, LinkedIn, Apple, BBC, HubSpot and Morning Brew.
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